My name is Eduardo Ramirez and I am an undergraduate student at City College and I was born in New York and spent my childhood and adolescence in Queens. One thing I truly believe in is to not victimize yourself in bad situations. By this I mean, when bad things happen to you, most of the time there is no one to blame but yourself. Many people blame other people for their mistakes or blame other people for bad positions in life.
When I was a sophomore in high school I would get into trouble at school because of the friends I would hang around. They would make disruptions in class and just because I was their friend I would get in trouble too. At one point I was sick and tired of getting in trouble for things that I did not do. I would constantly complain that the teachers were being unfair towards me and picking on me just because of the people I would hang around. I would enter class already angry because I knew that I was going to be accused of disrupting the class when I would just sit and do my work. At times I would argue with the teachers because I felt like I was getting picked on.
After a time, I realized that that the reason I was getting picked on was no one but myself. I realized that if associating myself with these individuals would cause me to lose my education and would cause me the stress it did every time I would walk into the classroom, then I shouldn’t be as close. Even if the teachers were being unfair, there was nothing I could do about it except to try to accommodate their needs because I was a student. As a person you must see why you are struggling in certain situations and instead of victimizing yourself and ask “why is this happening to me?” you should ask “What can I do within my control to make my situation better”. In this situation, I would be stressed and would be struggling in school for associating myself with certain individuals. For a while, I victimized myself by asking myself “why are these teachers being so unfair” or “Why are these teachers always on top of me?”. The minute I realized I couldn’t change the way the teachers thought I had to ask myself “What can I do to help myself” and “What is the problem”. I realized that the cons of associating with these individuals outweighed the pros. I had gotten in trouble more than I ever had before that year and was flunking more classes than before and I had to change my situation. Many times we as humans look for a story in our lives. We look for enemies and challenges to create our own stories in our heads and justify our actions to give ourselves a story but many times we just have to change ourselves and look outside our own perspective.
This philosophy that I live by to not victimize myself works not just in school but in your relationships as well. When you have a relationship with anyone whether it’s a romantic or friend relationship and you don’t feel like you are appreciated or happy in it it is no one else’s fault but your own. When your partner or friend does things to you that you don’t appreciate, you have the ability to tell them that it bothers or makes you uncomfortable. When time goes on and you realize that they are not changing or trying to be good to you, you shouldn’t victimize yourself if you stay with them. If you feel as if they still are bothering you or not appreciating you enough you have the ability to leave. Many times you’ll hear people speak about their partners where they feel they are not appreciated. In these cases, you must decide how many chances you could give a person. After they exceed those chances you cannot victimize yourself and ask “Why do they do this to me” and instead ask yourself “Why am I still in this position?”
There are times when you can victimize yourself because you are indeed a victim. For example, if your partner hits you or treats you in a radical way that has psychological effects on you, you are indeed a victim and should seek some help. There is a fine line between times you can help yourself like examples similar to the ones stated previously. When someone is being racist to you, you have the right to complain and should report them to upper management if it occurs at work or at an establishment.
Although there are times in which you are a victim, many times in our lives we like to believe we are in some story where we are the victim and we overcome it. However, many of the times to get ahead in life you can’t always feel bad for yourself and make a change to the things you can control. If you are unhappy at a job go apply somewhere else even if you make less money. You must see what you value in life and make a life for yourself that you are happy with because no one else will do it. Once you’re older and you have a life you are not happy in, most of the time it is no one else’s fault but your own. Don’t victimize yourself and settle for less when you can do something in your control to change your circumstances. This is how I try to live my life so I can be content in life because I realized victimizing yourself and settling for less isn’t the way I want to live.
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